My go in the sky

Well, If you are reading all of this you are probably my mother or you really care about me and this next journey in my life (so thank you). You might be just as surprised as I was when I first decided to do a nine-month mission trip. This trip is extremely out of my comfort zone and takes my reliance off of others and fully on Jesus’ shoulders. That might sound very confident, but I am in fact very nervous about where God is taking me, but it’s time for me to go full force into His arms. So why the World Race? To be honest I have no idea! I was so set on finishing my last two years of college in Phoenix Arizona graduating and becoming a police officer on the West coast, but was that my plans or God’s plans? So about three months ago I realized that I never asked God what He wanted me to do, but rather was very selfish in all of my decisions. So I prayed that God would make my heart extremely flexible and that if He needed to break me in order to have His Will carried out in my life, then let it be. Well, God did indeed have different plans for my life than what I intended. God did break me down in ways I did not expect, but yet I needed for my spiritual growth and maturity in Him. I felt the most alone I’ve ever felt in my life, and in that time I learned to cling to God in all aspects of my life. You see in my brokenness, I was made whole in Christ. Although I felt alone, I was not alone. God was teaching me that no human on earth can satisfy the way He can. That no person loves the way Christ loves. You see I have always felt that if I love as many people as I can on earth then, maybe I will feel whole and loved too. But recently, and continually I have been learning that in order to love people the way I should, I first need to be IN LOVE with Christ. So with that on my heart, I knew I needed to finally and fully give my whole life to Christ and not just part of me. But don’t worry that has not been easy in any way either. As I was crying out to God to help me in my loneliness, I was doing a devotional on my laptop. After I finished my devotion I went on to FaceBook to actually delete my Facebook, but an ad caught my eye for the World Race. I know this may sound crazy, but no joke it was right after I prayed that I would have a heart that was flexible for God, so of course, I was like “Naomi just apply, you do not have to go, but be flexible”. At this point, I am thinking that I would just apply and never have to think of it again. The next day I was thinking to myself, the odds of getting accepted are small right? So don’t even worry about it. But then I continued to pray because I knew that was not the appropriate attitude to have for a flexible heart, but the attitude of selfishness. So then I make a deal with God (because in my mind that’s fair) I said “if I get accepted I’ll go”. Of course, it turns out that I did indeed get accepted, but you know what my response was….WAITT nooo I think that’s an accident. So then I go to a bible study where of course they had to be talking about going where God leads you and trusting that He will carry you. The same night I get in my car with tears running down my face still in denial that God is calling me for something better than myself. At this point, I have not told any of my family, and the only person I told was a close friend of mine. She said to me “NAOMI!! how much clearer do you want God to make it that He wants you to go on this trip? do you want Him to paint GO in the sky?” and obviously my response was “yes, If I know 100% that God wants me to go then I will go”. Okay, so this is where my life gets a little bit tricky. I am then talking to my sister, who still has no idea about the trip and she’s telling me how she’s reading the whole Bible in a year. She continues to tell me her reading was in Judges that morning but for some reason, she felt really lead to read Matthew 9. She told me for some reason God was putting the idea of being flexible on her heart and she had no idea why. She continued to tell me that normally she journals about the passages she reads but for Matthew 9:35-38 she only wrote GO on the side of her bible. The passage is Jesus talking to His disciples about the work that needs to be done and he says to them “the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few”. So at this point, you can imagine my reaction. Tears pouring from my face I told my sister what I was battling with and the decisions that had to be made, and I knew I had to go. We both then of course being the girls we are cried together, as she realized the reason God was putting that on her heart. You see, the hardest part for me was my continual questioning of God…why me? I am not who you want to send…I am not good enough. I was right and wrong. I was indeed not good enough to do this alone, but with Christ, I am never alone. The disciples just like myself were asking God why He picked them and God replies to them in Matthew 9:13 “For I did not come to call the righteous, but the sinners”. You see that was my Go in the sky I was waiting for, and God clearly supplied His answer for me. You see I always thought I was not adequate for something like this but God is teaching me to come as I am, and not who I want to be. That no matter where I am in life God wants me to come to Him with my undivided attention, and not to pretend that I have it all under control. So that Is why I will be attending the World Race Gap Year 2021:)