such a melt

So another day, another blog, where I write way too much about how I’m feeling leading up to the race, and today I was a tad bit sad (this is about to get mushy, you can turn back if you need). In preparation for the race I’m leaving letters to my family and close friends to read while I’m gone, (don’t tell them though, it’s a surprise) and man if this isn’t the saddest thing ever. As I talk about how thankful and blessed I am to do life alongside them, I start to realize that I take them for granted more often than I ever intend to. Then I started to think to myself, if I take people for granted that often, how often do I take for granted Jesus? Yes, I write letters to God too, but in my mind, I will never be able to explain how much Jesus or the people in my life mean to me. First off, I’m not that good of a writer to express my love, secondly, I am total trash at telling the people I love most how much I love them, and third, ewww talking about love (gross). But as I continued to write these letters to God and all the people I love so dearly, I started to recognize how selfish that idea truly was. I was missing the whole picture. It does not matter how much I love God (I mean it does) but the big focus is HOW MUCH GOD LOVES ME (yes, 2nd-grade Sunday school lesson is finally starting to make sense). You know that whole song “Jesus loves me this I know” I’m finally starting to realize that song is absolute fire (Translation: that song is so humbling). No matter how much I think I can express my love for people, and Jesus, I am so humbly reminded that it will never compare to the love that I am given. I will never feel like I am loving enough because I am being loved more than I can even comprehend. The funny part is, I question God when I experience heartbreak, but in reality, Jesus feels my pain 1000x more every day, when I do not love the way I should, or spend time with Him. Isn’t funny how everyone in the world longs for love, but love that doesn’t harm. But you see, love requires risk, a risk that either breaks or makes whole a person; and this year I have found love in the One who gives uncontrollably, without ceasing or harming me. When love is in line with the Creator of the World, then love can be shown to the people around you. If you’re like me, and always feel like you will never be able to exemplify true love to those around you, I’m going to nicely tell you YOU’RE WRONG ;). GOD IS LOVE, and if God is at the center of your life, everything you do is out of love. Not just the notes you leave for people, or the text you send (or in my case, the text I forget to answer), but everything you think and say. And just like that all my intentions and motives are shifted to a no strings attached kind of love where I give unconditionally to everyone…jokes, I’m still not good at that part. I pray that God makes me a more loving person every day, not only for the people I’m leaving letters for but also for the people that do not love me in return. Because if God can love me every day, with all the heartbreak I put him through, I can love the people He put on this earth to the best of my ability He has given me. My favorite bible verse as a kid was 1 John 4:16 and it says “so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” As I ran around the house in diapers and eating pound cake, I would also yell this Bible verse. Yeah, you’re probably thinking “you could talk while you were in diapers? that does not seem right” But nope that’s right, don’t ask questions. the only difference from my childhood to now is that I understand and absolutely admire this Bible verse. God is so tricky up in heaven how He works sometimes. Of course, my favorite childhood verse now comes back to bite me in the butt to remind me that I need to love more deeply. Not just on a surface level of love but on a level where I am stripped of my selfish pride, and where I can finally show people the love of Christ through my actions. Okay, I’m done talking about love, I need to go live it out. Lastly, please don’t be telling people that I am such a melt. Love is gross. 😉